Dating 2.0 – When To Facebook Someone You Are Dating?

I date. I dig Social Media. And I spend a lot of time thinking about both. Because the problem is, like I always say, that in dating and in social media, it’s the blind leading the blind. Well, now, I think it’s time to pin down some answers. And that is what has inspired the latest feature of “The Misadventures of Julie”: Dating 2.0. Each week we’ll tackle a dating situation made sticky by this wired world we live in. I’ll ask for your opinion. I’ll give you mine. It’ll be fun, I promise. And maybe we’ll even set some standards along the way.

Last time we had a lively debate about whether or not it is acceptable to getting a potential date’s phone number off Facebook. This week, a digital dating dilemna straight from a Google search that led some poor soul to “The Misadventures of Julie” only to find I can’t (yet) provide an answer:

When is it appropriate to Facebook someone you are dating?

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Read on to see what I have to say:

Julie’s Take:

To be honest, this is an issue that I’ve struggled with myself. At times, I avoid even giving out MY LAST NAME because of how Google-able I am. Finding my blog and everything I write is a little intense for a potential gentleman caller especially if done by someone who is not in the social media world…

For the general public, here’s my suggestion: wait until after the third date.

Unfortunately, the ability to find out so much about a person in preparation for a date has ruined the fun and changed the way we get to know someone. I am an expert Googler/Facebook searcher but once you’ve found that person’s information, the mystery and intrigue is diminished.

I think there’s a general consensus out there that if you’ve gone on three dates with someone, things are going well and you both see some sort of a potential future with each other. Facebook friending someone after the third date is the perfect amount of time to wait – it expresses a desire to grow the relationship in a new way without seeming too eager – all the while allowing you to get to know the other person where it really matters: offline.

Have a Dating 2.0 question of your own? Submit it here and you may just see it on “The Misadventures of Julie” in the future!

  • http://www.cassandrajowett.com Cassandra Jowett

    I broke up with my long-time boyfriend about six weeks ago and, although I’m not quite ready to date yet, I know the day will eventually come. I’m already lurking on dating sites and talking to old friends.

    My problem, especially with the dating of strangers, is that they often want to chat on MSN or Google Talk before meeting in person. I don’t have a random personal email address like brunette_cutie@hotmail.com. I merged my personal and professional into one — firstnamelastname@gmail.com — years ago. I think it will sound very paranoid of me to say, “We can’t talk on MSN because I don’t want you to know my full name,” but at the same time, I don’t want a whole new email address just for dating questionable men. Like you, I’m definitely Googleable.

  • Julie Minevich

    Cassandra,

    I have several e-mail addresses that I use because of the need for privacy that you referenced.

    I have my firstnamelastname@gmail.com, but also pseudonym@gmail.com. I use the former in my personal and professional communications and the latter for things like craigslist, website logins (that I’m concerned might end up spamming me) and potential gentlemen callers.

    Through Gmail, I’m able to do “link” the accounts and receive my pseudonym@gmail.com in my firstnamelastname@gmail.com inbox. And I’ve set it up that the “from” e-mail is the same as wherever the e-mail was sent. (So e-mails to pseudonym@gmail.com are “from” pseudonym@gmail.com, even if I’m answering them in my firstnamelastname@gmail.com inbox).

    It’s a “set-and-forget” deal which makes it pretty convenient, even if I do get funny responses as to why I still have a “juvenile” pseudonym@gmail.com address rather than a proper, “adult” firstnamelastname@gmail.com. 🙂

    Hope this helps!

    – Julie

  • http://WebsiteURL Dave

    Always wait for the other person to facebook you. Let the intrigue build until s/he makes the move.

  • http://piecesofg.typepad.com David

    I do think the answer to this depends a little on your general attitude toward SM connections. On LinkedIn, if I wouldn’t feel comfortable emailing you about someone I know about a job, I probably won’t connect to you. If I’ve hung out with you a few times through some mutual friends, I’ll likely FB you.

    For me, making the FB connection with a potential suitor is another way of saying, “I had a good time on our date and I’d like to get to know you more”. Sure, we all know that the real reason we want our friend request to be accepted is so we can creep through their pics and friends list, but it can be perceived differently. I could agree with waiting a few dates, but not exclusivity.

  • http://www.justin-morris.net Justin

    Adding someone you’re interested in to Facebook is all well and good but make sure the “getting to know them” process doesn’t take place there also. The only way you can truly get to know someone is in person to understand body language. I’ve had two failed relationships because things escalated via social networking/chat and we didn’t actually know each other that well in real life at all.

  • http://www.sixsingles.com dating

    I speak for every guy on the planet when I say, a young lady who ‘forgets her panties’ is totally hot. Lightly blend this into the conversation.