Tag Archives: relationships

Resiliency of the Human Spirit

2009 has not started in the most positive way possible for me, to say the least. In the span of a month and a half, I was affected by three deaths – those of an immediate family member, a college mentor and a hometown friend – as well as the end of a romantic relationship with someone I was seeing.

This post is a hard one to write, since no one likes admitting that they have been going through a difficult time, but I figure if I aim to chronicle my life through this blog, I should show the challenges in addition to the triumphs…

I think that the aforementioned events really forced me to take a step back and reexamine my life, my relationships, my self of sense – even more thoroughly than usual…

When death comes to rip apart the daily normalcy we take for granted, we are reminded of our own mortality and ask ourselves: What is our calling? How will we leave our mark? How will we be remembered? And we are reminded of the mortality of those within our support systems – our friends and family – who could slip away at any moment and we seize the moment to let them know how important they are to us.

We struggle to find meaning in death… but the best we can do is let go a little and learn to go on, carrying with us the legacy of those who have helped shape our life story. And we somehow find peace in the fact that these people who we’ve permanently lost from our lives will remain with us in the form of nostalgic memories and sleepy dreams…

In terms of the end of the romantic relationship I referenced – I realize that I’m no worse off than before. I was in a good place in my life and ready to share my happiness and success with another. I found someone with whom I felt I had truly connected (which is a rare thing for me), but, as it happens, he didn’t feel the same way… and that’s always (really) hard to take.

But I am who I am — which isn’t so bad 🙂 — and feel like I can continue to walk with my head held high. So I guess I come out of the whole thing a bit older and wiser (and a bit hurt but hopefully not any more jaded)…

I have to qualify the folllowing sentence, because sometimes it really is hard to stay optimistic — especially when you just were told that you weren’t a match by someone who you thought could make you happy and vice versa — but, at this very moment, I’m looking forward to meeting someone in the future who I’ll be crazy about, who’ll reciprocate those feelings all the while accepting me for who I’ve been, who I am and who I’m trying to become…

I’ll bare my soul even more (if that’s even possible) and say that with with everything that’s happened in 2009, there were days I couldn’t believe I had gotten myself out of bed, dressed, to work, and even out socializing. There were moments when I forgot about how everything had changed but then it would all come flooding back and I felt like I had been hit by a truck as I remembered the shifted reality of my life…

I think the hardest part about feeling “down” for someone like me who is usually an overall positive person is that you aren’t sure you’ll ever feel like your upbeat self again. It was finally this weekend that I started feeling like I’m on my way to being whole… and it’s nice to once again walk with some pep in my step and tranquility in my heart.

Ineligible Bachelors?

My friends and I have been debating an interesting dilemma recently which came about after I had bumped into a few guys (I wish I had a better word but ‘men’ doesn’t fit either) who I had known in college and who, when I met them, were dating people I was affiliated with but are currently single.

My friends urged me to add these individuals to my list of possible “suitors” (again with the awkward words). Unfortunately, I say they are ineligible. (Sorry, boys!)

Whether or not I am still close with their ex-girlfriends, I feel an allegiance that would be betrayed if I were to date them. (My interest for these specific individuals or lack thereof is beside the point and I might be taking a break from the dating scene anyway which voids the whole thing, but that’s a post for another time… or more like a story for a dimly lit wine bar.)

Back to the point… While there are several variables to be considered, the most important one, in my opinion, is how strongly the girl felt about the relationship and her partner. (And in all the recent cases, the relationship in consideration had been a serious one.)

The others – how long ago the relationship took place, how long the relationship lasted, who ended it, how close I was/am with the girl – are immaterial to me.

Three
Image by jungle/arctic via Flickr

My friends argue that if I really felt like there was a future with one of their exes and if the situation were handled the right way, they would understand and would support my decision. [It’s interesting that there are conditions shaping when it would okay – a casual affair would not be given the same respect, for example. (Since I am classy girl, a casual affair would be an impossibility in my case, but I guess that’s neither here nor there.)]

Thinking through all the possibilities, I still have a hard time believing it would be that easy.  There’s something about broken love that is simply too raw to intrude upon if you were there to witness a relationship before its loss of innocence.

Anyway, I think this is a dilemma for the ages and an interesting discussion unfolded as we considered all the hypothetical options.

A few unexpected stipulations that emerged:

  • It would be considerably harder to accept the new relationship if all involved parties lived in close proximity and had to face each other often.
  • Does it make it a difference if the ex-girlfriend is married?
  • What if the situation were reversed and it was a guy interested in dating a friend’s ex-girlfriend? Do he feel the same allegiance to his friend that I do to mine? Is it a gender thing?

So, let me turn it over to you, readers. What’s your take on the whole thing? What would be your criteria on when to take the next step and when to step away? When is okay to date your friends’ exes?

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