Letting Loose

I’ve always been mature for my age. Sometimes I think it’s because I’m the first-born as well as a first-generation American. But, really, I think I’m just inherently an old soul.

When I look back on my college years my regrets are different than those of my peers. I wish I had gone to fewer classes, worried less about my coursework. I wish I had really appreciated the freedom and ability to expirement that the college environment allows. And that’s not to say that I focused solely on the academics – I was in a sorority, I took part in a variety of other extracurricular activities, I went out six nights a week… But I feel like I never really let loose, let myself lose control, let myself go.

And now that I’m out of that phase and very “in my twenties”, I wonder if in another few years, I’ll look back at this time in my life and wonder why I wasn’t more irresponsible. Should I be out partying during the week? What’s it like to meet a man in a bar and take him home? As much as college was a time of very few responsibilities, twenty somethings have some responsiblities – but really only for oneself – with the added bonus of overall financial freedom.

Are these the best years of my life? And, if so, shouldn’t I be out living the Sex and the City life and sowing my outs before it’s time to really settle down?

But, I guess in the end, it all comes down to the fact that doing that wouldn’t be true to who I am. And, thinking about this now, there’s a difference between not being crazy and being boring. So the future me will just have to remember (and I now have to remember when I think back to college) that “letting loose” would not have provided me the fullfillment I seek.

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