So far, we’ve tackled:

• whether or not it is acceptable to getting a potential date’s phone number off Facebook,
• at what point to Facebook someone you are dating, and
• the best way to send a post-date thank you message.

Today’s digital dating dilemma stems from my own personal experience: I recently dated someone who on our first date revealed that he did not have a Facebook account. I wondered immediately if an unreformed social media specialist and a social media atheist could be compatible together. (A fish and a bird can fall in love, but where will they live?)

As pointed out in the recent Bank Of America Merrill Lynch (BofA) report on the way Americans are using Facebook and other social services, Facebook is used by almost all Americans at this point. 96% of the people surveyed say they use Facebook and the other four percent probably hold out for a variety of reasons, with the one I’ve heard cited the most is privacy concerns. And so, it’s unlikely that that they’re eager to jump onto the site even if asked.

But our online identities have very much become an extension of our offline lines, and just like we want a partner in life who shares our experiences, doesn’t the same hold true on Facebook? So, I pose the question to you:

You might also enjoy these related posts:

1. Dating 2.0 – When To Facebook Someone You Are Dating?
2. Dating 2.0 – Best Medium for Post-Date “Thank You” Message
3. Dating 2.0 – DOs & DON’Ts

1. No Secrets: Be true to myself and own my feelings.

2. Build Bridges, Don’t Burn Them: It takes more effort and energy to be negative than it is to welcome someone into my circle of friends. And as Life’s Little Instruction Book points out: “Never burn your bridges. You’ll be surprised how many times you’ll have to cross the same river.”

3. Life is Not So Serious: I’ve always been mature for my age and I’m realizing now that  I shouldn’t have rushed so much be grown up. I have a tendency to take things a bit too seriously and this is my reminder to lighten up.

Do you have any mantras that help you take stock of your life?

You might also enjoy these related posts:

1. On Being Twenty-Three (And Adopting a New Life Philosophy)
2. 2006 in Review
3. RW

My resolutions:

PHYSICAL HEALTH

1. Eat out less. If I could get this down to two lunches ordered out per week and one dinner ordered out per week, I’d be a happy woman.
2. Go to the gym more. Don’t judge me too much, but I’m aiming low here – My goal is to go to the gym at least four times a month.
3. Get up earlier. I think, in a perfect world, I’d like to get myself up an hour earlier that I am right now. But, I’m really scared to commit myself to that. So… Can I say that, if by the end of 2010, if I’m getting up 20 minutes earlier than I am now (alright, alright, at 7:43am), I’ll consider myself successful?
4. Drink more water. I can commit to two glasses of water of day. Sad, but realistic.

MENTAL HEALTH

1. Volunteer more. Concretely, I’d like to volunteer in some way – whether it be my time, money, effort – at least once a month.
2. Write more. In 2009, I wrote 54 blog posts, which is more than I would have guessed, and is about one post a week. In 2010, I’d like to double the number of posts I publish and will count myself successful if I write eight posts per month (for a total of 96).
3. Pursue outside interests. I’m one of those very lucky people that is able to do, in a professional capacity, what they love. However, this gets tricky because it means that one thing dominates my life (that being social media and marketing). In 2010, I’d like to refocus on the other things that make happy like salsa dancing, practicing my French, scrapbooking, and photography. When someone asks me what I like to do for fun or outside of work, I should have an answer ready. I’ll consider myself successful if I pursue an outside interest in some capacity at least once a month.
4. Explore DC more. I commit to “exploring DC” at least once per month. It’s hard to qualify what “exploring DC” means so I’ll operate on a “I know it when I see it” basis.
   
5. Read more. One book per month is doable, I think.

While in the process of defining my goals for this coming year, I came across a blog post by Jared Goralnick of Technotheory and AwayFind where Jared shares his theme for 2010. He writes:

Last year I suggested we should choose just one word and label it a theme for the year ahead. This year… the word is swim.

Looking at the resolutions I’ve outlined for myself this year, my word for 2010 became very readily apparently: DISCIPLINE. If I am to be successful at the goals I’ve set, I’ll need willpower and self-control in all aspects of my life. Wish me luck.

You might also enjoy these related posts:

1. Day 792: Pre-Thanks 2010
2. Real or Fake? Julie’s Favorite 2010 April Fools’ Jokes
3. A Postcard from St. John

1. What did you do in 2009 that you’d never done before?

I began contributing to a 401k. I know that’s not exciting, but doing so really solidified my identity as an adult.

2. Did you keep your new years’ resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

In the past, I haven’t made New Year’s resolutions — I try to better myself every day so in some ways what others do at the beginning of the year, I do throughout. However, I do think there is a lot of value in writing down the ways in which one tries to improve. Keep an eye out for an upcoming blog post on the things I’ll try to do better in the coming year!

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

No.

4. Did anyone close to you die?

Yes. My maternal grandmother passed away in January 2009. It was an event that rocked my small family to the core and I don’t think we’ve yet fully recovered. (Read Dealing with Death in a Digital Age.)

5. What countries did you visit?

Although I did some travelling, it was all domestic. (2009 took me to Florida, New Jersey, New York, South Carolina, Georgia, Pennsylvania and of course back to Massachusetts.)  I am looking forward to getting back to really exploring the world in 2010 – I already have planned trips to the US Virgin Islands as well as Mexico and have a grand European vacation in the works!

6. What would you like to have in 2010 that you lacked in 2009?

As of now, I have no idea where I’ll be in 2014. But this year, I think I would like to give more thought to the direction I see my life taking in the next five years. Regardless of whether I choose to carry out my plans, I think having long-term goals is something that I lacked in 2009 and would like to define in 2010.

7. What date from 2009 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

The obvious one is January 6th, which was the day my grandmother passed away.

I think another day that will remain with me was January 20th — the Presidential Inauguration of Barack Obama. I am fortunate enough to live in DC and was able to “attend” the Inauguration. The feeling of excitement and of hope was palpable and an amazing thing of which to feel a part.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

This is a hard one. I’m not sure if this is my biggest achievement, but I recently took part in Hubspot’s Inbound Marketing University. I participated in 15 webinars and then took an exam on the material that was covered, becoming a certified Inbound Marketing Professional after passing the exam with a score of 100%.

It was very satisfying to seek out a program that allowed me professional development, to feel like I was learning and exercising my brain, and then to pass the exam with a perfect score and have something to show for my work…

9. What was your biggest failure?

Ugh. I joined a gym this past year but was definitely not as diligent about going as I should have been.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

No. For that I am thankful.

11. What was the best thing you bought?

I bought a computer which was great until the hard drive crashed taking all my pictures for 2008-2009… I also bought a healthy amount of airplane tickets.

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?

I have a friend with whom I became much closer this year and she was someone who was a much needed source of support and encouragement this past year. That certainly merits celebration.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?

I would never embarrass someone in a public space like this, so I am skipping this question.

14. Where did most of your money go?

Unsurprisingly, the majority went to pay my rent. I would assume most adults answer this way.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

My visitors and my travels.

16. What song will always remind you of 2009?

Hmmm… How about “Party in the U.S.A.” by Miley Cyrus.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. happier or sadder? sadder. (At the end of 2008, I had a very positive outlook and was genuinely excited for adventures that were in my future. Unfortunately, 2009 was a hard year for me personally, so while I am again optimistic for the things to come in 2010 there is a part of me that is forever changed by this past year.)

ii. thinner or fatter? fatter.

iii. richer or poorer? richer.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?

While I think that I do take advantage of the fact that I live in DC, I would have liked to have explored the city more. This is something I’m recommitting myself to in 2010.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?

Sleeping. Seriously, I could have gotten a lot more done if I had been able to sleep less.

20. How did you spend Christmas?

I’m spent Christmas Eve in New York and then took a bus back to Boston on Christmas Day. That evening, I ordered Chinese Food and went to see The Blind Side with my mother.

22. Did you fall in love in 2009?

Yes.

23. How many one-night stands?

None. Never.

24. What was your favorite TV program?

Desperate Housewives.

25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?

No. Hate is a strong word.

26. What was the best book you read?

I have to say that reading Here Comes Everybody: The Power of Organizing Without Organizations helped me wrap my head around the way marketing, communications, and organizing have all changed thanks to the Internet and the emergence of social media.

27. What was your greatest musical discovery?

I can’t get enough of Lady Gaga. Owl City is pretty great, too.

28. What did you want and get?

I had a grand plan of flying back to Boston in August to attend CountryFest featuring Kenny Chesney, an annual tradition with some of my friends in Boston, spend a week on the Cape with my family (another annual tradition) and then fly back to DC in time to  attend a wedding of a college friend. Thankfully, everything worked out and I was able to do all three.

Also, now that I’m thinking about it. I really wanted/needed to get new glasses. It was a very long process but in the end I came away with a pair that I love.

29. What did you want and not get?

I am extremely grateful to be at a point in my life where I don’t feel like there’s anything material that I am lacking. However, as I mentioned earlier, something that didn’t happen for me this year was finding someone with whom to share my happiness and success. (Read On Being Single.)

30. What was your favorite film of this year?

The Blind Side? I Love You, Man?

31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

I turned 24 this past September. I celebrated at a local bar with a big group of friends the weekend prior and then went to dinner with a small group of female friends on the actual day.

32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

I have a job I enjoy, great friends, and a supportive family. I feel fortunate to never be lacking in ways to spend my time but as I’ve mentioned, having someone special in my life would have made my year more satisfying.

33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2009?

Attempting to stay current on recent trends but with an emphasis on comfort. Professional yet fun. And well put together as much of the time as possible.

34. What kept you sane?

My friends.

35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

None. I’ve never been one to “fancy” celebrities. I prefer to spend my time on realistic endeavors.

36. What political issue stirred you the most?

Marriage Equality. (Read Sexual Orientation Equality: The Civil Rights Fight Of Our Time.)

37. Who did you miss?

My grandmother.

Also, everyone I left behind in Boston.

38. Who was the best new person you met?

I’m going to cheat on this one a little bit. I met one of my coworkers in September 2008, but we became very close in 2009 — She is a great mentor, friend, and source of support to me.

39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2009.

Stop when you are at your happiest to take the moment in. It will become what sustains you in the hardest of times.

40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.

In Repair by John Mayer and Closer to Fine by the Indigo Girls are two that come to mind.

You might also enjoy these related posts:

1. June 2009 in Review
2. 2006 in Review
3. Julie’s “Guide to Geek Gifts 2009″: DOTS Gloves

Recently, I’ve added a few personal finance blogs to my daily pile of reading. On one of these, Get Rich Slowly, I’ve found that a recurring is “The Perfect is the Enemy of the Good” — a theme that for obvious reasons (see above) has resonated with me. (In case you’re interested, the original version, “Le mieux est l’ennemi du bien”,  was penned in 1764 by Voltaire in his Dictionnaire Philosophique.)

Applied to personal finance, the lesson JD Roth tries to instill in his readers is that rather than researching all the options of how one could be investing one’s money, it’s best to find an option that’s good enough — and just start.

I don’t know how Lexus feels about it, but Roth does his best to hammer home the point that the pursuit of perfection is an exercise in diminishing returns:

Let me repeat that – the pursuit of perfection is an exercise in diminishing returns. I’ve printed and posted the above graph to remind myself of this. For a perfectionist who self-admittingly struggles with the weight of every decision, this is a liberating concept.

Furthermore, Roth recently reviewed Barry Schwartz’s The Paradox of Choice. In the book, Schwartz discusses two types of individuals: Maximizers, who strive to make the best choice possible in every decision they make, and Satisficers, who make decisions once they’ve found a solution that fit the criteria, even if theoretically there might be a better choice available. What Roth found interesting – as do I since it reflects my reality – is that Maximizers are actually less happy than Satisficers. This makes perfect sense to me.

As I’ve mentioned, feeling the weight of every decision — striving to make the best choice possibly while fearing it’ll be the worst — is the way I’m wired.

In his book, Schwartz offers tips for Maximizers like me on how to put less pressure on every decision and consequently live a bit more stress-free. Roth does a nice job of summarizing and presenting about half of those tips. I think I might just have print them and post them next to my “diminishing rate of perfection pursuit” graph.

You might also enjoy these related posts:

1. What Really Grinds My Gears: Facebook Event Non-RSVPers
2. reasons
3. Birthday Resolution

Most people think of spring as a time of renewal. But for me, it’s always been fall that signifies things beginning anew: fall brings with it the beginning of school years, the Jewish New Year and my birthday. This triumvirate has caused the end of August / beginning of September to be a period of much reflection of who I am, who I’ve been, who I’m trying to become. What was I able to accomplish in the last year? What things do I need to work on? You get the idea…

This past year, the 23rd year of my life, was a rollercoaster filled with a lot of happiness but a lot of sadness as well. I made the hard decision to move away from my family, coworkers and roommates who were great friends, and I job I loved to see whether DC living would be as fun as I imagined. (And it has been!) I’ll always think of this past year as the year my world was rocked by the death of my grandmother. But it will also be remembered as the year I travelled, dated some great guys (and some not so great guys), and tried my hand at things like white water tubing and PHP coding all the while widening my support network and strengthening existing friendships…

Through it all I’ve solicited and been given a lot of advice. And there’s one nugget of (overheard) wisdom that has stayed with me; in fact, I think about almost daily. This magical phrase has in some ways changed my whole outlook on who I aim to become:

Consider everything and nothing a date.

Take a minute to fully take that statement in. Reread it. Now, let me elaborate:
(Hint: the advice applies to everyone, whether you are in a relationship or not!)

Consider everything a date. When we date, we take the time to put on a great outfit, make sure our hair/makeup looks great, etc. Before, during, and after, we are usually on our best behavior. Simply put, considering everything a date translates to an attempt to be at our best at all times.

Consider nothing a date. Dates are really fun – most of the time – but they do bring a certain level of anxiety. Some of the best dates are those that come together without pre-planning because there isn’t any pressure on the situation to be anything but what it is. Considering nothing a date means being in the moment and not worrying about things that are out of our control.

Achieving the attitudes I’ve described above is a lofty goal, I admit, thanks to a little thing called human nature, which tempts us to be lazy, jealous, obsessive, etc. But remembering The Date Principle has provided me with a framework through which I can strive to become a better person – which is how I measure the success of a given year. (Yes, I consider age 23 a success and hope I can say the same of age 24.)

However you define your “new year” – whether by calendar, age, academic level, or religion – may the next one bring only the best for all of us.

You might also enjoy these related posts:

1. On Turning Twenty-Five
2. my theory
3. What Really Grinds My Gears: Birth Year Pull Down Menus

This post is a hard one to write, since no one likes admitting that they have been going through a difficult time, but I figure if I aim to chronicle my life through this blog, I should show the challenges in addition to the triumphs…

I think that the aforementioned events really forced me to take a step back and reexamine my life, my relationships, my self of sense – even more thoroughly than usual…

When death comes to rip apart the daily normalcy we take for granted, we are reminded of our own mortality and ask ourselves: What is our calling? How will we leave our mark? How will we be remembered? And we are reminded of the mortality of those within our support systems – our friends and family – who could slip away at any moment and we seize the moment to let them know how important they are to us.

We struggle to find meaning in death… but the best we can do is let go a little and learn to go on, carrying with us the legacy of those who have helped shape our life story. And we somehow find peace in the fact that these people who we’ve permanently lost from our lives will remain with us in the form of nostalgic memories and sleepy dreams…

In terms of the end of the romantic relationship I referenced – I realize that I’m no worse off than before. I was in a good place in my life and ready to share my happiness and success with another. I found someone with whom I felt I had truly connected (which is a rare thing for me), but, as it happens, he didn’t feel the same way… and that’s always (really) hard to take.

But I am who I am — which isn’t so bad — and feel like I can continue to walk with my head held high. So I guess I come out of the whole thing a bit older and wiser (and a bit hurt but hopefully not any more jaded)…

I have to qualify the folllowing sentence, because sometimes it really is hard to stay optimistic — especially when you just were told that you weren’t a match by someone who you thought could make you happy and vice versa — but, at this very moment, I’m looking forward to meeting someone in the future who I’ll be crazy about, who’ll reciprocate those feelings all the while accepting me for who I’ve been, who I am and who I’m trying to become…

I’ll bare my soul even more (if that’s even possible) and say that with with everything that’s happened in 2009, there were days I couldn’t believe I had gotten myself out of bed, dressed, to work, and even out socializing. There were moments when I forgot about how everything had changed but then it would all come flooding back and I felt like I had been hit by a truck as I remembered the shifted reality of my life…

I think the hardest part about feeling “down” for someone like me who is usually an overall positive person is that you aren’t sure you’ll ever feel like your upbeat self again. It was finally this weekend that I started feeling like I’m on my way to being whole… and it’s nice to once again walk with some pep in my step and tranquility in my heart.

You might also enjoy these related posts:

1. Principles By Which To Live
2. Dealing with Death in a Digital Age
3. profile

Instead, for a variety of reasons, I’ve found myself thinking about how I can live my life fully. People often ask me whether I consider myself religious and I really struggle with that word, but I do consider myself spiritual. And part of that is finding balance and peace in one’s life.

To that end, I’ve come up with “The Five Tenets of Julie“, which I think begin to capture how I try to conduct my life in respect to myself and in respect to others.

The five principles I’ve outlined are by no means a finished product and I will be the first to admit that they are a bit sappy, even for my taste. But it feels nice to be able to write them down concretely rather than trying to wrap my head around them abstractly.

Do you have tenets of your own that help guide you through this messy course we call life?

You might also enjoy these related posts:

1. An Invitation to Live Life
2. More to Life?
3. On Turning Twenty-Five

Without a doubt, graduating college students are unprepared for the transitional months of becoming a self-sufficient, productive member of society.

College by nature is a social setting – you complete projects in groups, live with others, engage in clubs, etc. You don’t have to search very hard to find someone who’s willing to do whatever you have in mind (just hang out, go to the bars, check out a new organization, the list goes on and on).

But adulthood is quite the opposite. Yes, we go to our workplaces where we have the opportunity to interact with others, but at the end of the day we all head home to our individual lives and responsibilities.

So, I think recent graduates suffer from a self-purpose crisis — different from a quarter-life crisis — as the reality of monotonous work and chores combined with the sudden and shocking seclusion reveals itself.

We become defined by our careers and nostalgically long for the days where we could pursue our passions whenever and with whomever we chose. It’s only once the memory of our collegiate glory days begin to fade that we are able to find meaning in our present routine.

I told my friend all this, to which she promptly responded, “So what did you do?”

And that part of the story is easy to tell. After graduation I lived in Boston where I had a job I loved, co-workers who were my best friends, great roommates, and my family nearby. I immersed myself in my work and felt like all I did was work, eat and sleep. Clearly, there was something missing.

So I decided that there was more to life and I owed it to myself to be truly fulfilled, not just professionally. And I walked away from it all, turning my life upside-down, and moving to DC, to a new a job, without my coworkers, my roommates, and my family, (but where, I do have to admit, I have a great — but in terms of size and quality — network of friends).

I’m slowly learning what it’s like to leave my work at the office (a healthy work-life balance is something my office encourages), and my nights are filled with industry events, DC explorations and other misadventures with my friends.

I don’t know whether it was simply the passing of time or my relocation, but I found that I haven’t been asking myself recently whether there’s more to life.

But enough about me. If you’re a recent college graduate, have you experienced what I’m describing? Or was the transition a smooth one?

You might also enjoy these related posts:

1. my life
2. Letting Loose
3. An Invitation to Live Life

Yes, we’ve heard (and some have experienced) the awful stories of lost jobs, defaulted loans, foreclosed houses, and people struggling to make ends meet. There are whispers comparing the current state of the economy to the Great Depression and the recession of the 1970s.

But if there’s even a hint of a silver lining to this whole mess, it’s that we are living in historic times. We’ll be able to tell our children of the dark times that were the late-00s. And its how we weather this difficult period that will be written into the history books of the future.

You might also enjoy these related posts:

1. Another Friend Laid Off
2. e-mails
3. On Being Twenty-Three (And Adopting a New Life Philosophy)