Julie Minevich » Family

Resiliency of the Human Spirit

Julie Minevich — Tue, 10 Mar 2009 03:58:53 +0000

2009 has not started in the most positive way possible for me, to say the least. In the span of a month and a half, I was affected by three deaths – those of an immediate family member, a college mentor and a hometown friend – as well as the end of a romantic relationship with someone I was seeing.

This post is a hard one to write, since no one likes admitting that they have been going through a difficult time, but I figure if I aim to chronicle my life through this blog, I should show the challenges in addition to the triumphs…

I think that the aforementioned events really forced me to take a step back and reexamine my life, my relationships, my self of sense – even more thoroughly than usual…

When death comes to rip apart the daily normalcy we take for granted, we are reminded of our own mortality and ask ourselves: What is our calling? How will we leave our mark? How will we be remembered? And we are reminded of the mortality of those within our support systems – our friends and family – who could slip away at any moment and we seize the moment to let them know how important they are to us.

We struggle to find meaning in death… but the best we can do is let go a little and learn to go on, carrying with us the legacy of those who have helped shape our life story. And we somehow find peace in the fact that these people who we’ve permanently lost from our lives will remain with us in the form of nostalgic memories and sleepy dreams…

In terms of the end of the romantic relationship I referenced – I realize that I’m no worse off than before. I was in a good place in my life and ready to share my happiness and success with another. I found someone with whom I felt I had truly connected (which is a rare thing for me), but, as it happens, he didn’t feel the same way… and that’s always (really) hard to take.

But I am who I am — which isn’t so bad — and feel like I can continue to walk with my head held high. So I guess I come out of the whole thing a bit older and wiser (and a bit hurt but hopefully not any more jaded)…

I have to qualify the folllowing sentence, because sometimes it really is hard to stay optimistic — especially when you just were told that you weren’t a match by someone who you thought could make you happy and vice versa — but, at this very moment, I’m looking forward to meeting someone in the future who I’ll be crazy about, who’ll reciprocate those feelings all the while accepting me for who I’ve been, who I am and who I’m trying to become…

I’ll bare my soul even more (if that’s even possible) and say that with with everything that’s happened in 2009, there were days I couldn’t believe I had gotten myself out of bed, dressed, to work, and even out socializing. There were moments when I forgot about how everything had changed but then it would all come flooding back and I felt like I had been hit by a truck as I remembered the shifted reality of my life…

I think the hardest part about feeling “down” for someone like me who is usually an overall positive person is that you aren’t sure you’ll ever feel like your upbeat self again. It was finally this weekend that I started feeling like I’m on my way to being whole… and it’s nice to once again walk with some pep in my step and tranquility in my heart.

You might also enjoy these related posts:

Fulfilling the Role of an Older Sister

Julie Minevich — Fri, 27 Feb 2009 17:06:27 +0000

Helping my sister get ready for one of her first ice shows – May 18, 2003

I received a phone call from my twelve-year-old sister yesterday, which is a big deal these days. (Since phone calls are so five years ago.) She called to tell me that she had been awarded an ice skating scholarship. That, in itself, is a huge deal and I’m so proud of her.

But she didn’t just call me to tell me the news; she called to thank me for my help… When I was home in January, she was struggling to effectively express why she was worthy of the honor and I worked with her to brainstorm her ideas and to present them in a cohesive manner.

(And trust me, she was pretty miserable while we were working on the essay because I would ask her “What is your thesis? What are the three points you are trying to make? Why are they a big deal? Stick to your argument and get rid of the unnecessary tangents.”)

Regular readers of this blog are aware that I often struggle with the guilt I feel living 440 miles away from my two younger sisters so I very much cherish those moments when I truly am able to fulfill the role of the guiding and supportive older sister.

You might also enjoy these related posts:

Dealing with Death in a Digital Age

Julie Minevich — Sun, 11 Jan 2009 03:36:33 +0000

My grandmother passed away on Tuesday. And while I’m trying to find a way to cope with this on a personal level, it’s also been a challenge to navigate this road digitally.

Before the Internet days, how did the news spread? Word of mouth, maybe phone calls, an obituary… But now we live in a world where we broadcast our most private thoughts to the world and it’s been a challenge to find an appropriate medium.

On one hand, I don’t want to tell anyone about my family’s tragedy because it does seem like such a private thing. My closest friends have most likely all already heard, and there’s no need for anyone else to be involved. On the other hand, I want to shout from the rooftops the story of my grandmother’s life, how much I’ll miss her, and how devasting her death has been to my family. Is it a private struggle or one made public in the same way that we have no hesitation about sharing other private aspects of our lives on the Internet?

My blog is where I think things through, my FaceBook profile is where I let people know what I’m thinking or feeling at a given time, and my Twitter status lets my followers know where I am. So is it still acceptable to clue everyone in to what I’m facing, or is this event too exclusive, too shattering to be lumped in with the usual mundane activity? It’s a fine line between honoring someone’s life and being sacrilegious. The words I’m using seem cheap to me and don’t do the occasion justice.

Or is this just the obituary – updated for our digital times?

You might also enjoy these related posts:

My Grandmother

Julie Minevich — Wed, 07 Jan 2009 06:42:27 +0000

Sofia Varshavsky
11/29/1933 – 01/06/2009

You might also enjoy these related posts:

reasons

Julie Minevich — Sun, 08 Oct 2006 05:30:00 +0000

I really do believe that everything happens for a reason. And my that’s why, back in the summer, I decided that I would come home for Yom Kippur and to celebrate my baby sister’s 4th birthday instead of coming home for Rosh Hashanah, the Jewish New Year. This was an unusual decision because Rosh Hashanah is traditionally a big family holiday while Yom Kippur, the Jewish Day of Atonement, is more of a personal, individual, reflective holiday.

However, on Saturday morning of being home, when we all were in the kitchen hanging out, my mother received a phone call from my great-grandmother’s nursing home saying that she had been taken to the hospital. My plans for the day changed immediately. My whole family met at the hospital and waited until we could see her.

I think the last time before that that I had been in a hospital, other than for the births of my sisters, was maybe, maybe ten years ago? If that. The last person related to me who died was my great-grandfather in 1992.. or 1993? I was seven or eight and I don’t really remember it happen. The point is that I don’t know how to deal with this sort of thing, although, who does?

When we saw her, she was unconscious and had a breathing tube. She seemed to be in pain. (Hopefully she wasn’t.) We were told that she probably wouldn’t make it through the night, but the next day she was actually doing better… but then they found blood and later, legions, in her brain.

To make the story short, I received the inevitable phone call today while I was out to dinner for my friend’s 21st birthday. I will be going home sometime this week for the funeral. It will be my first one for a family member.

I really believe that the reason that I ended up at home last weekend was to be able to say goodbye to my great-grandmother with my whole family around me.

My great-grandmother was born when the tzars still ruled Russia, she’s seen two World Wars and moved halfway across the globe at the age of eighty-three. She has one son, two granddaughters, and five grandchildren.

“Dream as if you’ll live forever,
Live as if you’ll die today.”

You might also enjoy these related posts:

February Letter

Julie Minevich — Mon, 20 Feb 2006 22:49:00 +0000

Hi Lana,

I miss you a lot, too, but I’m glad that you are having fun and playing with Deena. Putting on plays is lots of fun… I think I have a box of old costumes and dress up clothes – ask Mom, I think it might be in the attic – and it can help you come up with some new stories.

wave

Julie Minevich — Wed, 15 Jun 2005 04:46:00 +0000

As I get ready to leave for work, my youngest sister is usually eating or finishing up her breakfast. We chat as I make my lunch. Today she introduced me to her new friend, who, according to my sister, was sitting in the seat next to her. Ah, imaginary friends. I never had one, so it’s interesting to hear about hers. I don’t think it’ll last long, since she forgot about her friend within a matter of seconds.

But, onto the point! Every morning, my sister stands on our couch and waves goodbye to me from the window as I pull out of the driveway. Yes, there are days when she’s still in her high chair and doesn’t, or days where I run out in a bad mood and don’t remember to let her know I’m leaving. BUT- today I told her I was leaving, and asked her if she would wave me goodbye and she said NO!

I know I shouldn’t be upset, I know she’s only 2, but… I was sad when I left for work this morning. Hopefully tomororow I’ll get a wave goodbye.