Julie Minevich » Dating

Dating 2.0 – Dating Someone without a Facebook Account

Julie Minevich — Wed, 08 Jun 2011 20:48:42 +0000

I date. I dig Social Media. And I spend a lot of time thinking about both. Because the problem is, like I always say, that in dating and in social media, it’s the blind leading the blind. Well, now, I think it’s time to pin down some answers. And that is what has inspired “Dating 2.0″ category on this blog, which after a long hiatus IS BACK. In each post, we tackle dating situations made sticky by this wired world we live in. I ask for your opinion. I give you mine. It’s fun, I promise. And maybe we’ll even set some standards along the way.

So far, we’ve tackled:

Today’s digital dating dilemma stems from my own personal experience: I recently dated someone who on our first date revealed that he did not have a Facebook account. I wondered immediately if an unreformed social media specialist and a social media atheist could be compatible together. (A fish and a bird can fall in love, but where will they live?)

As pointed out in the recent Bank Of America Merrill Lynch (BofA) report on the way Americans are using Facebook and other social services, Facebook is used by almost all Americans at this point. 96% of the people surveyed say they use Facebook and the other four percent probably hold out for a variety of reasons, with the one I’ve heard cited the most is privacy concerns. And so, it’s unlikely that that they’re eager to jump onto the site even if asked.

But our online identities have very much become an extension of our offline lines, and just like we want a partner in life who shares our experiences, doesn’t the same hold true on Facebook? So, I pose the question to you:

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Dating 2.0 – Best Medium for Post-Date “Thank You” Message

Julie Minevich — Fri, 28 May 2010 14:16:03 +0000

I date. I dig Social Media. And I spend a lot of time thinking about both. Because the problem is, like I always say, that in dating and in social media, it’s the blind leading the blind. Well, now, I think it’s time to pin down some answers. And that is what has inspired “Dating 2.0″ category on this blog. In each post, we tackle dating situations made sticky by this wired world we live in. I ask for your opinion. I give you mine. It’s fun, I promise. And maybe we’ll even set some standards along the way.

So far, we’ve tackled whether or not it is acceptable to getting a potential date’s phone number off Facebook and at what point to Facebook someone you are dating.

The digital dating dilemma of the day deals with the post-date “thank you” note. I think anyone who dates will agree that the process is almost like an interview at times. And so, the same way a follow-up note is almost mandatory for success during the hiring process, the same can be said for dating. In 1980, the only option to convey the message would have been through a phone call. In 2000, an e-mail might have provided another avenue of communication. But in 2010, with so many options, what’s the best medium to use?

Note: There is a poll embedded within this post, please visit the site to participate in this post's poll.

Photo Credit: iain

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Dating 2.0 – When To Facebook Someone You Are Dating?

Julie Minevich — Tue, 26 May 2009 04:21:09 +0000

I date. I dig Social Media. And I spend a lot of time thinking about both. Because the problem is, like I always say, that in dating and in social media, it’s the blind leading the blind. Well, now, I think it’s time to pin down some answers. And that is what has inspired the latest feature of “The Misadventures of Julie”: Dating 2.0. Each week we’ll tackle a dating situation made sticky by this wired world we live in. I’ll ask for your opinion. I’ll give you mine. It’ll be fun, I promise. And maybe we’ll even set some standards along the way.

Last time we had a lively debate about whether or not it is acceptable to getting a potential date’s phone number off Facebook. This week, a digital dating dilemna straight from a Google search that led some poor soul to “The Misadventures of Julie” only to find I can’t (yet) provide an answer:

Note: There is a poll embedded within this post, please visit the site to participate in this post's poll.

Read on to see what I have to say:

Julie’s Take:

To be honest, this is an issue that I’ve struggled with myself. At times, I avoid even giving out MY LAST NAME because of how Google-able I am. Finding my blog and everything I write is a little intense for a potential gentleman caller especially if done by someone who is not in the social media world…

For the general public, here’s my suggestion: wait until after the third date.

Unfortunately, the ability to find out so much about a person in preparation for a date has ruined the fun and changed the way we get to know someone. I am an expert Googler/Facebook searcher but once you’ve found that person’s information, the mystery and intrigue is diminished.

I think there’s a general consensus out there that if you’ve gone on three dates with someone, things are going well and you both see some sort of a potential future with each other. Facebook friending someone after the third date is the perfect amount of time to wait – it expresses a desire to grow the relationship in a new way without seeming too eager – all the while allowing you to get to know the other person where it really matters: offline.

Have a Dating 2.0 question of your own? Submit it here and you may just see it on “The Misadventures of Julie” in the future!

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Dating 2.0 – DOs & DON’Ts

Julie Minevich — Wed, 06 May 2009 15:21:09 +0000

I date. I dig Social Media. And I spend a lot of time thinking about both. Because the problem is, like I always say, that in dating and in social media, it’s the blind leading the blind.

So when two articles came across my desk (well, my computer screen, to be really precise) yesterday about dating in a digital world, I was reassured that I’m not the only one grappling with questions such as Do Technologies Like Facebook, Twitter and Cellphones Affect Dating Compatibility? and Has Facebook has ruined the first date?

Well, now, I think it’s time to pin down some answers. And that is what has inspired the latest feature of “The Misadventures of Julie”: Dating 2.0 – DOs & DON’Ts.

Each week we’ll tackle a dating situation made sticky by this wired world we live in. I’ll ask for your opinion. I’ll give you mine. It’ll be fun, I promise. And maybe we’ll even set some standards along the way.

Without further ado, I give you this week’s digital dating dilemna:

You meet someone. You become Facebook friends. You want to get in touch with this person. You realize that he/she has his/her phone number is posted on his/her profile. Can you call him/her using the phone number found online? Or contact him/her in a different fashion and ask for his/her number that way? What do you think?

Note: There is a poll embedded within this post, please visit the site to participate in this post's poll.

Read on to see what I have to say:

Julie’s Take:

I say it’s a “DO”. If a person’s information is available, he/she should be aware of the potential that others will find it.

For example, I have my phone number on my Facebook profile, although only for my friends and those I have met in real life. On the other hand, my address is much more protected and a more select group of people have access to it.

However, use some common sense and take a second to think about how this person will react to your phone call. Does he/she know who you are? Has he/she expressed an interest in getting to know you better in any way? We may live in a Dating 2.0 world, but Dating 101 remains the same.

Have a Dating 2.0 question of your own? Submit it here and you may just see it on “The Misadventures of Julie” in the future!

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Resiliency of the Human Spirit

Julie Minevich — Tue, 10 Mar 2009 03:58:53 +0000

2009 has not started in the most positive way possible for me, to say the least. In the span of a month and a half, I was affected by three deaths – those of an immediate family member, a college mentor and a hometown friend – as well as the end of a romantic relationship with someone I was seeing.

This post is a hard one to write, since no one likes admitting that they have been going through a difficult time, but I figure if I aim to chronicle my life through this blog, I should show the challenges in addition to the triumphs…

I think that the aforementioned events really forced me to take a step back and reexamine my life, my relationships, my self of sense – even more thoroughly than usual…

When death comes to rip apart the daily normalcy we take for granted, we are reminded of our own mortality and ask ourselves: What is our calling? How will we leave our mark? How will we be remembered? And we are reminded of the mortality of those within our support systems – our friends and family – who could slip away at any moment and we seize the moment to let them know how important they are to us.

We struggle to find meaning in death… but the best we can do is let go a little and learn to go on, carrying with us the legacy of those who have helped shape our life story. And we somehow find peace in the fact that these people who we’ve permanently lost from our lives will remain with us in the form of nostalgic memories and sleepy dreams…

In terms of the end of the romantic relationship I referenced – I realize that I’m no worse off than before. I was in a good place in my life and ready to share my happiness and success with another. I found someone with whom I felt I had truly connected (which is a rare thing for me), but, as it happens, he didn’t feel the same way… and that’s always (really) hard to take.

But I am who I am — which isn’t so bad — and feel like I can continue to walk with my head held high. So I guess I come out of the whole thing a bit older and wiser (and a bit hurt but hopefully not any more jaded)…

I have to qualify the folllowing sentence, because sometimes it really is hard to stay optimistic — especially when you just were told that you weren’t a match by someone who you thought could make you happy and vice versa — but, at this very moment, I’m looking forward to meeting someone in the future who I’ll be crazy about, who’ll reciprocate those feelings all the while accepting me for who I’ve been, who I am and who I’m trying to become…

I’ll bare my soul even more (if that’s even possible) and say that with with everything that’s happened in 2009, there were days I couldn’t believe I had gotten myself out of bed, dressed, to work, and even out socializing. There were moments when I forgot about how everything had changed but then it would all come flooding back and I felt like I had been hit by a truck as I remembered the shifted reality of my life…

I think the hardest part about feeling “down” for someone like me who is usually an overall positive person is that you aren’t sure you’ll ever feel like your upbeat self again. It was finally this weekend that I started feeling like I’m on my way to being whole… and it’s nice to once again walk with some pep in my step and tranquility in my heart.

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Ineligible Bachelors?

Julie Minevich — Thu, 05 Mar 2009 05:35:25 +0000

My friends and I have been debating an interesting dilemma recently which came about after I had bumped into a few guys (I wish I had a better word but ‘men’ doesn’t fit either) who I had known in college and who, when I met them, were dating people I was affiliated with but are currently single.

My friends urged me to add these individuals to my list of possible “suitors” (again with the awkward words). Unfortunately, I say they are ineligible. (Sorry, boys!)

Whether or not I am still close with their ex-girlfriends, I feel an allegiance that would be betrayed if I were to date them. (My interest for these specific individuals or lack thereof is beside the point and I might be taking a break from the dating scene anyway which voids the whole thing, but that’s a post for another time… or more like a story for a dimly lit wine bar.)

Back to the point… While there are several variables to be considered, the most important one, in my opinion, is how strongly the girl felt about the relationship and her partner. (And in all the recent cases, the relationship in consideration had been a serious one.)

The others – how long ago the relationship took place, how long the relationship lasted, who ended it, how close I was/am with the girl – are immaterial to me.

: Image by jungle/arctic via Flickr

My friends argue that if I really felt like there was a future with one of their exes and if the situation were handled the right way, they would understand and would support my decision. [It's interesting that there are conditions shaping when it would okay - a casual affair would not be given the same respect, for example. (Since I am classy girl, a casual affair would be an impossibility in my case, but I guess that's neither here nor there.)]

Thinking through all the possibilities, I still have a hard time believing it would be that easy. There’s something about broken love that is simply too raw to intrude upon if you were there to witness a relationship before its loss of innocence.

Anyway, I think this is a dilemma for the ages and an interesting discussion unfolded as we considered all the hypothetical options.

A few unexpected stipulations that emerged:

It would be considerably harder to accept the new relationship if all involved parties lived in close proximity and had to face each other often.
Does it make it a difference if the ex-girlfriend is married?
What if the situation were reversed and it was a guy interested in dating a friend’s ex-girlfriend? Do he feel the same allegiance to his friend that I do to mine? Is it a gender thing?

So, let me turn it over to you, readers. What’s your take on the whole thing? What would be your criteria on when to take the next step and when to step away? When is okay to date your friends’ exes?

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Day 94: Good Stuff, Happy Hour & Scavo Twins

Julie Minevich — Tue, 23 Dec 2008 04:29:44 +0000

I chuckle (yes, chuckle) when I think about how aptly I’ve named this blog. And tonight was the perfect example.

First, I had dinner at Good Stuff Eatery, which was opened this past July by Spike Mendelsohn of Top Chef fame. I got the Farmhouse Burger and it was delicious. Spike was working and brought the orders out to us. (I was able to snap this picture from the upstairs seating.)

Next, it was off to GesherCity’s annual Hanukkah Happy Hour on the Hill (try saying that three times fast).

The DCist puts it well:

If there’s one night to circle for every young Jewish professional in D.C., it very well may be the night Gesher City hosts their annual Hanukkah Happy Hour on the Hill. Every young Jew you’ve ever met or will meet will likely be packed somewhere within the three floors of the Pour House tonight. It’s the perfect place to bump into that cute girl you met at Shabbat services a few weeks back or avoid your ex-boyfriend like the plague. Why not both? The HHHH is co-sponsored by a laundry list of young Jewish organizations.

I was told the event was too crowded last year but decided to go and check it out. For the most part, it was an awkward mess (these types of happy hours always are), but I felt like a rebel being out on a Monday!

Afterwards, we hopped on the Metro and as we were waiting I turned to see Porter and Preston Scavo walking down the steps! Yes, that’s right you Desperate Housewives fans, the Scavo twins are in DC. We ended up boarding the same train as them and I knew that I would regret it if I didn’t welcome them to the city and, you know, snap a quick pic.

Charles and Max Carver were extremely nice and obliged. They are in DC visiting their father (who was with them) and said that they haven’t been recognized that much yet. I told them how I spent my Sunday nights with them and that I was excited about all the twists and turns of season five.

Meeting them was a good reminder why one should always make an effort to:

1. Carry a camera.
2. Look somewhat presentable.

We all got off at Dupont Circle and went our separate ways. And with that tonight’s misadventures came to a close.

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On Being Single

Julie Minevich — Sun, 16 Nov 2008 20:31:18 +0000

I attended a dinner party on Friday that was hosted and attended by my closest friends. But I immediately realized that it was three couples… and me. When I made a comment about being the odd one out, a friend turned to me and said, “but think, you have the possibility of having a really great first kiss with someone”. While this is theoretically true, it’s hard to appreciate that when you’re the only one without a counterpart at the table…

One of my friends was laid off from his job about a month ago, and luckily, found a new job this week. If you ask him if he enjoyed his three weeks off – and who doesn’t crave three weeks off?? – he’ll tell you that he wasn’t able to take full advantage of his “vacation” because he spent it worried about being unemployed and looking for a new job.

BUT, had he known that he would have a job within the month, he would have been able to relax and fully enjoy his time off until he began his new role.

In my opinion, it’s exactly the same thing to be single. If I knew that within five years, I would find someone with whom to share my fabulous life, the fact that I’m single now would become a non-issue.

But the truth is, there aren’t any guarantees and you don’t know what the future holds. You don’t now when – and even if – you’ll meet someone… That’s why being single can be a bit stressful and worrisome… more than those who are in relationships can appreciate.

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What Really Grinds My Gears: Online Dating

Julie Minevich — Tue, 09 Sep 2008 00:19:00 +0000

Online Dating. It’s a great concept since who really has the time, energy, or connections to go out and meet new people all the time? Right?

Here’s what really turns me off of the whole thing: The online talking! (Ridiculous, I know. If I don’t want online talking, what am I doing considering online dating.)

But, seriously. I want to read a guy’s profile, decide we might potentially be a match, then set up a place and time to talk and meet the person. In person.

None of this IM crap. Because how well can you really get to know a person online? And if you go over everything online, what’s the incentive to meet? And how easy is it to misinterpret something that’s been said? Or to misrepresent yourself?

I’m committed to meeting an intelligent, outgoing, well-spoken guy. And if he can only do it online, well, then we’re both S.O.L!

Tags: onlinedating

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Lessons learned

Julie Minevich — Sun, 25 Nov 2007 05:02:00 +0000

I recently was asked what I thought I had learned from my past relationships. I’ve spent some time thinking about the lessons I’ve learned and here’s my response:

I’ve learned that I’m able to balance my needs and wants with those of the person I love. I’ve learned that I’m willing to fight and work through conflicts in order to make a relationship work. But, perhaps most importantly, I’ve learned that the person that want to share my life with must be assertive, kind and outgoing. I’m interested in being with a guy who knows how to take control and is able to- for lack of a better term – lead me.