On Being Twenty-Three (And Adopting a New Life Philosophy)

The following was featured on http://www.vickiboykis.com/ as a guest post on September 4th. (Click here to see the original.)

Most people think of spring as a time of renewal. But for me, it’s always been fall that signifies things beginning anew: fall brings with it the beginning of school years, the Jewish New Year and my birthday. This triumvirate has caused the end of August / beginning of September to be a period of much reflection of who I am, who I’ve been, who I’m trying to become. What was I able to accomplish in the last year? What things do I need to work on? You get the idea…

This past year, the 23rd year of my life, was a rollercoaster filled with a lot of happiness but a lot of sadness as well. I made the hard decision to move away from my family, coworkers and roommates who were great friends, and I job I loved to see whether DC living would be as fun as I imagined. (And it has been!) I’ll always think of this past year as the year my world was rocked by the death of my grandmother. But it will also be remembered as the year I travelled, dated some great guys (and some not so great guys), and tried my hand at things like white water tubing and PHP coding all the while widening my support network and strengthening existing friendships…

Through it all I’ve solicited and been given a lot of advice. And there’s one nugget of (overheard) wisdom that has stayed with me; in fact, I think about almost daily. This magical phrase has in some ways changed my whole outlook on who I aim to become:

Consider everything and nothing a date.

Take a minute to fully take that statement in. Reread it. Now, let me elaborate:
(Hint: the advice applies to everyone, whether you are in a relationship or not!)

Consider everything a date. When we date, we take the time to put on a great outfit, make sure our hair/makeup looks great, etc. Before, during, and after, we are usually on our best behavior. Simply put, considering everything a date translates to an attempt to be at our best at all times.

Consider nothing a date. Dates are really fun – most of the time – but they do bring a certain level of anxiety. Some of the best dates are those that come together without pre-planning because there isn’t any pressure on the situation to be anything but what it is. Considering nothing a date means being in the moment and not worrying about things that are out of our control.

Achieving the attitudes I’ve described above is a lofty goal, I admit, thanks to a little thing called human nature, which tempts us to be lazy, jealous, obsessive, etc. But remembering The Date Principle has provided me with a framework through which I can strive to become a better person – which is how I measure the success of a given year. (Yes, I consider age 23 a success and hope I can say the same of age 24.)

However you define your “new year” – whether by calendar, age, academic level, or religion – may the next one bring only the best for all of us.

Reconciling Senator Ted Kennedy’s Legacy

This morning, after hearing about the death of Senator Ted Kennedy, I sent my sentiments into the ether that is the internet.

A pretty benign and standard statement that reflected what many others felt and thought this morning, I’m sure. Imagine my surprise when I received the following e-mail just minutes after the above tweet went live:

———

Hello,

You don’t know me…I read your twitter comment about Ted Kennedy’s passing and how proud you are of him.

I was a young woman when Mary Jo Kopechne was killed at Chappaquiddick.

I was so sad for her and her family at her senseless death.

If only Senator Kennedy called the police right away and not leave her to die, she most likely would of survived the car crash.

His actions on that fateful night clearly told me about his character and I have never forgotten how he got away with it all because of who he was and his money.

You being ‘twenty something’ probably think of this as ancient history, but it’s not.

He got away with murder.

Kind regards,

Elizabeth

(Links added by Julie.)

———–

The sender is of course entitled to her opinion although I’m still a bit unsure why it was me she singled out to send this message to.  Even hours later, “Ted Kennedy” continues to be a trending topic on Twitter.

But her e-mail has left me trying to reconcile a number of points:

1. I’m a big proponent of accessibility and even wrote a post last year on why it’s important for bloggers to have their contact information displayed on their sites. But, I have to be honest, it was unnerving to get e-mail of that sort in a place (my inbox) which is usually one filled with friendly “faces”. What happened if someone decided to send me truly malicious e-mails? Have I set myself up for disaster? At the moment, I’ve decided to keep my e-mail accessible on this site and hopefully I won’t regret it.

2. It’s an interesting feeling growing up in a country where you were not born. Most days, you feel like a local but little things will remind you that in some ways, you’ll always be a transplant and an outsider. Defining what I consider to be my history is a bit tricky: I feel ownership over USSR events that took place up to 1991 (the year I immigrated to America) and over American events that have taken place since then, but not vice versa. I feel the same disconnection with America’s struggle with slavery as I do with a democratic Russia…

As such, Elizabeth is right in assuming that being young does affect my view of Senator Kennedy but I would argue that others of my generation may have a different perspective. I simply lacked an environment where that story would have been passed down and where I would have been exposed to opinions on the subject that would have helped define Senator Kennedy’s persona for me.

3. In trying to mull over how to combine these two images of Senator Kennedy – seen by some as a murderer and by others as a champion of human rights, here’s what I think I’ve come to stand on the issue:

Unfortunately, during one chapter of Senator Ted Kennedy’s life, he panicked, made a mistake, didn’t handle a situation as he should have.  As my good friend David points out, “[What happened is] a chapter that can’t be left out. And for some, it’s the only chapter”. When looking at Senator Ted Kennedy’s life it’s important to view it as a whole and not get stuck on one chapter. As a whole, Senator Kennedy was a great man who worked to better the world and his memory should be shown the respect it deserves.

An Overlooked Networking Opportunity for TwentySomethings: Former Classmates

Today, I created my own miniature High School reunion.

I searched Facebook for those who had graduated Lexington High School the same year as me. And I sent everyone with whom I was not already connected a Facebook friend request accompanied by a short note.

(As an early adopter, I connected to other LHS alumni when I first joined Facebook, but had since been reactive rather than proactive at connecting to my former classmates.)

I reached out to everyone I could remember from my middle school and high school years, regardless of whether our interactions had been frequent and friendly or casual and distant. Of course, there was part of me that felt like (pardon my colloquialism use) a HUGE TOOL. Would these people remember who I was? (They should – I’m a big deal!) Would they think my request came out of nowhere?

But in some ways, it doesn’t matter. I’ve been out of high school long enough that it’s hard to remember exactly the sort of relationship that I had with each of these people. Any ill-feelings or regrets have nicely faded into a simple nostalgia. Our senior year, my class really came together at a point; we were over the pre-defined cliques and categories that can so dictate high school. And now, these are people that, while they may not know the person I’ve become, will understand my history and where I come from.

And while seeing how everyone’s lives have changed can be entertaining, there was another benefit to having this self-created reunion. As someone completely immersed in Social Media (of which Social Networks are a subcategory), I know the golden rule:

IT’S THE DIVERSITY OF YOUR NETWORK,

NOT THE MASS, THAT DRIVES ITS POWER.

My former classmates have been a valuable untapped part of my network that I am now equipped to leverage in the future. While we were all a fairly homogenous group at one point, it’s now years later and we have relocated for college and then perhaps relocated again for employment… The spider web that comprises our collective contacts has grown in exponential numbers during these prime years. In fact, it probably will never grow at such a rapid rate as we begin to settle down and our lives become increasingly stable.

So by reaching out to even one person from high school who has gone in a completely different direction than me (both literally and figuratively) I’m able to extend my network in a way that’s simply not possible if I just connect to people in my current social circle.

I urge you to think about creating your individual high school reunion. The next time you look to your network for help, you’ll be glad you did.