1. No Secrets: Be true to myself and own my feelings.

2. Build Bridges, Don’t Burn Them: It takes more effort and energy to be negative than it is to welcome someone into my circle of friends. And as Life’s Little Instruction Book points out: “Never burn your bridges. You’ll be surprised how many times you’ll have to cross the same river.”

3. Life is Not So Serious: I’ve always been mature for my age and I’m realizing now that  I shouldn’t have rushed so much be grown up. I have a tendency to take things a bit too seriously and this is my reminder to lighten up.

Do you have any mantras that help you take stock of your life?

You might also enjoy these related posts:

1. On Being Twenty-Three (And Adopting a New Life Philosophy)
2. 2006 in Review
3. RW

The following is a guest post from my good friend, Michal, who is a twentysomething world explorer currently navigating life in the land of Israel.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=txqiwrbYGrs

I took David’s question differently this time. I think this is a question that is on the mind of many 20-somethings. After we graduate college we enter an unknown world. For many of us this was the first time in our lives where there was not a definite framework ahead of us (after middle school came high school then college etc…) The 9-5 world was looming and although some were ready to go out there and make tracks in the corporate world, others were dreading the day of their first punch in on the time clock. (Personally, I was so fearful of 9-5 and the office life that after graduation I took off to South America for 4 and a half months by myself with a backpack, but that is a story for another post…) A year and a half after I received my diploma I began working at an office. While it is not as terrible as I thought, I still get nauseated at the fact that I may be doing this for a long long time. As I have settled into the 9-5 routine over the past year and a half I find myself asking, “Is this it?” Has my real life started? After having many discussions with my other twenty-something friends I find that many of them are asking themselves the same thing. While many of us enjoy our jobs most of us are not sure if we see it as a career (or maybe just me). Those of us who are not in serious relationships wait for that to start as well (yet another subject for a later blog post)

So when does the elusive real life start? Is it when you are married? When you have kids? Could it be a career milestone, when we feel we have found our place in the professional world? When we feel settled? As someone who grew up in several countries with family all over the world, I often worried that I would never stop asking that question. I thought that I would always feel somewhat lost and while I was living in one place I would always miss another. After having resigned myself to the fact that I would always feel this way I saw a Visa commercial and while I am loathe to admit that I got an epiphany as a result of a Visa ad I did. At the end of the commercial, the announcer asks, “What are you waiting for, a written invitation to live life? You have one; it’s called a birth certificate.” This line struck me as profound. (Damn you brilliant advertising geniuses!!) Real life for me began on December 4th, 1984 and will hopefully continue for a very long time. While there will be times that I and many others of my generation will feel lost and discombobulated life is constantly moving and it is best to enjoy it while you can. In the words of one man who I considered a mentor in high school (and whose advice I should begin taking again), “Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HbR7axof1wk

You might also enjoy these related posts:

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1. Make sure you forward your (low-tech) address
Luckily, the easiest way to do this now is online.  I like to do this at least two weeks before I move and after I’ve signed a lease; that way, you can still pick up any spare mail still coming to your old address.  Also, change all your addresses for things online like Netflix, credit card bills, and anything else you don’t want to miss in your mail.

2.  Old packaging-keep as much of it as possible
Lots of apartments don’t have tons of storage.  However, what storage we did have in ours, I used to keep boxes because I knew I’d eventually need them for moving again.  I especially kept things like boxes from silverware and glasses, our TV box, and packaging for kitchen items like blenders.  This automatically makes it easier to put boxes into a bigger box and you don’t have to worry about how to wrap.

3.  Very carefully choose movers
Even if you don’t have a lot of stuff and tons of friends, it can still be a good idea to hire movers.  Last time, my husband and I moved from Alexandria, VA to Bethesda, MD (about 35 minutes each way), and it was a huge hassle.  This time, we’re hiring movers from Craigslist, but we made extra-sure to check them out online through references and making sure they responded on time.  A friend pointed me to Moving Scam, which has a list of tips to avoid when you’re looking to move.

4.  Evaluate: In my post, I mentioned that I as struggling to get rid of things.  Emotional attachments are huge blocks to moving more simply with less clutter, and we all struggle with getting rid of teddy bears from when we were 11.  The best tip I recieved on my blog was to take pictures of things I was especially attached to and keep the pictures, but to also keep a number of things you can still look back on.  The fact that there are tons of blog posts on this issue signifies that it’s a big one.

Good luck!  I know I’ll be needing it this weekend.

You might also enjoy these related posts:

1. profile
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Most people think of spring as a time of renewal. But for me, it’s always been fall that signifies things beginning anew: fall brings with it the beginning of school years, the Jewish New Year and my birthday. This triumvirate has caused the end of August / beginning of September to be a period of much reflection of who I am, who I’ve been, who I’m trying to become. What was I able to accomplish in the last year? What things do I need to work on? You get the idea…

This past year, the 23rd year of my life, was a rollercoaster filled with a lot of happiness but a lot of sadness as well. I made the hard decision to move away from my family, coworkers and roommates who were great friends, and I job I loved to see whether DC living would be as fun as I imagined. (And it has been!) I’ll always think of this past year as the year my world was rocked by the death of my grandmother. But it will also be remembered as the year I travelled, dated some great guys (and some not so great guys), and tried my hand at things like white water tubing and PHP coding all the while widening my support network and strengthening existing friendships…

Through it all I’ve solicited and been given a lot of advice. And there’s one nugget of (overheard) wisdom that has stayed with me; in fact, I think about almost daily. This magical phrase has in some ways changed my whole outlook on who I aim to become:

Consider everything and nothing a date.

Take a minute to fully take that statement in. Reread it. Now, let me elaborate:
(Hint: the advice applies to everyone, whether you are in a relationship or not!)

Consider everything a date. When we date, we take the time to put on a great outfit, make sure our hair/makeup looks great, etc. Before, during, and after, we are usually on our best behavior. Simply put, considering everything a date translates to an attempt to be at our best at all times.

Consider nothing a date. Dates are really fun – most of the time – but they do bring a certain level of anxiety. Some of the best dates are those that come together without pre-planning because there isn’t any pressure on the situation to be anything but what it is. Considering nothing a date means being in the moment and not worrying about things that are out of our control.

Achieving the attitudes I’ve described above is a lofty goal, I admit, thanks to a little thing called human nature, which tempts us to be lazy, jealous, obsessive, etc. But remembering The Date Principle has provided me with a framework through which I can strive to become a better person – which is how I measure the success of a given year. (Yes, I consider age 23 a success and hope I can say the same of age 24.)

However you define your “new year” – whether by calendar, age, academic level, or religion – may the next one bring only the best for all of us.

You might also enjoy these related posts:

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A pretty benign and standard statement that reflected what many others felt and thought this morning, I’m sure. Imagine my surprise when I received the following e-mail just minutes after the above tweet went live:

———

Hello,

You don’t know me…I read your twitter comment about Ted Kennedy’s passing and how proud you are of him.

I was a young woman when Mary Jo Kopechne was killed at Chappaquiddick.

I was so sad for her and her family at her senseless death.

If only Senator Kennedy called the police right away and not leave her to die, she most likely would of survived the car crash.

His actions on that fateful night clearly told me about his character and I have never forgotten how he got away with it all because of who he was and his money.

You being ‘twenty something’ probably think of this as ancient history, but it’s not.

He got away with murder.

Kind regards,

Elizabeth

(Links added by Julie.)

———–

The sender is of course entitled to her opinion although I’m still a bit unsure why it was me she singled out to send this message to.  Even hours later, “Ted Kennedy” continues to be a trending topic on Twitter.

But her e-mail has left me trying to reconcile a number of points:

1. I’m a big proponent of accessibility and even wrote a post last year on why it’s important for bloggers to have their contact information displayed on their sites. But, I have to be honest, it was unnerving to get e-mail of that sort in a place (my inbox) which is usually one filled with friendly “faces”. What happened if someone decided to send me truly malicious e-mails? Have I set myself up for disaster? At the moment, I’ve decided to keep my e-mail accessible on this site and hopefully I won’t regret it.

2. It’s an interesting feeling growing up in a country where you were not born. Most days, you feel like a local but little things will remind you that in some ways, you’ll always be a transplant and an outsider. Defining what I consider to be my history is a bit tricky: I feel ownership over USSR events that took place up to 1991 (the year I immigrated to America) and over American events that have taken place since then, but not vice versa. I feel the same disconnection with America’s struggle with slavery as I do with a democratic Russia…

As such, Elizabeth is right in assuming that being young does affect my view of Senator Kennedy but I would argue that others of my generation may have a different perspective. I simply lacked an environment where that story would have been passed down and where I would have been exposed to opinions on the subject that would have helped define Senator Kennedy’s persona for me.

3. In trying to mull over how to combine these two images of Senator Kennedy – seen by some as a murderer and by others as a champion of human rights, here’s what I think I’ve come to stand on the issue:

Unfortunately, during one chapter of Senator Ted Kennedy’s life, he panicked, made a mistake, didn’t handle a situation as he should have.  As my good friend David points out, “[What happened is] a chapter that can’t be left out. And for some, it’s the only chapter”. When looking at Senator Ted Kennedy’s life it’s important to view it as a whole and not get stuck on one chapter. As a whole, Senator Kennedy was a great man who worked to better the world and his memory should be shown the respect it deserves.

You might also enjoy these related posts:

1. It’s Hard To Avoid Politics, Isn’t it?

I searched Facebook for those who had graduated Lexington High School the same year as me. And I sent everyone with whom I was not already connected a Facebook friend request accompanied by a short note.

(As an early adopter, I connected to other LHS alumni when I first joined Facebook, but had since been reactive rather than proactive at connecting to my former classmates.)

I reached out to everyone I could remember from my middle school and high school years, regardless of whether our interactions had been frequent and friendly or casual and distant. Of course, there was part of me that felt like (pardon my colloquialism use) a HUGE TOOL. Would these people remember who I was? (They should – I’m a big deal!) Would they think my request came out of nowhere?

But in some ways, it doesn’t matter. I’ve been out of high school long enough that it’s hard to remember exactly the sort of relationship that I had with each of these people. Any ill-feelings or regrets have nicely faded into a simple nostalgia. Our senior year, my class really came together at a point; we were over the pre-defined cliques and categories that can so dictate high school. And now, these are people that, while they may not know the person I’ve become, will understand my history and where I come from.

And while seeing how everyone’s lives have changed can be entertaining, there was another benefit to having this self-created reunion. As someone completely immersed in Social Media (of which Social Networks are a subcategory), I know the golden rule:

IT’S THE DIVERSITY OF YOUR NETWORK,

NOT THE MASS, THAT DRIVES ITS POWER.

My former classmates have been a valuable untapped part of my network that I am now equipped to leverage in the future. While we were all a fairly homogenous group at one point, it’s now years later and we have relocated for college and then perhaps relocated again for employment… The spider web that comprises our collective contacts has grown in exponential numbers during these prime years. In fact, it probably will never grow at such a rapid rate as we begin to settle down and our lives become increasingly stable.

So by reaching out to even one person from high school who has gone in a completely different direction than me (both literally and figuratively) I’m able to extend my network in a way that’s simply not possible if I just connect to people in my current social circle.

I urge you to think about creating your individual high school reunion. The next time you look to your network for help, you’ll be glad you did.

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His message was that we, as a culture, have become isolated from each other yet it’s relationships that drive both professional and personal success.

(A sobering statistic: 50% of individuals believe that someone has their back. Of that 70% are married. That means that only 35% of unmarried individuals believe that they have someone looking out for them.)

During the talk, Keith had us do several exercises with the person sitting next to us.

In the first exercise, he had us identify an ultimate goal of ours – something that we longed for and fear we might never achieve. Those who know me well know that I ended up sharing one of my biggest fears with the Indian gentleman sitting next to me who I had just introduced myself to moments earlier.

In the second, Keith wanted us to think of something that was holding us back, a behavior that was detrimental to our success but we kept doing anyway (an addiction if you will). My “addiction” came to mind just as easily as my “ultimate goal”: My perfectionsim has fueled an aversion to answering e-mails.

I am horrible, horrible, at answering e-mails even though I have the best of intentions. The problem is that when I get a personal e-mail, I want to respond in kind. I want to really sit and write from the heart and be able to edit and re-edit until I get the flow and content just right. 

But in the end, the e-mail remains unwritten.

I know, I know, that my contacts would rather receive something than nothing. And yet, I always find myself in the same situation.

So, as of this Monday, which happened to be June 1st, (a nice round date), I vow to hold myself to a higher standard – or maybe to a lower one, as the case may be – and to really make a concious effort to respond to the personal correspondence I receive.

I haven’t yet read Who’s Got Your Back (although when I do it’ll be a copy signed by Mr. Ferrazzi himself), but from what I can tell, the next step in Keith Ferrazzi’s plan for happiness is to seek out two to four people who can act as a peer support system or a board of advisors. These are people who must exhibit: vulnerability, candor, generosity and be able to hold you accountable to your goals. 

So, if I actually go through with this whole thing and you get a call from me asking to be on my “team” I hope you won’t let me forget this promise I’ve made to myself.

You might also enjoy these related posts:

1. June 2009 in Review
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Since the collective of the group is always much wiser than my thoughts alone, I pose this person’s question to you in the form of the poll below. Feel free to elaborate on your answer (perhaps explaining why you’ve chosen the answers you have) and to suggest areas I did not include.

You might also enjoy these related posts:

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I was in good spirits, apparently, and jumped onto my bed. (Yes, I jumped. Who did I think I was? A five-year-old kid??)

Well, I must have used a bit too much force because I went sailing across the bed and the next thing I know there’s a big thud and I’m on the floor with a skinned knee.  

How I disguise myself as an adult most of the time, I don’t know. I couldn’t make this stuff up even if I tried.

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When I look back on my college years my regrets are different than those of my peers. I wish I had gone to fewer classes, worried less about my coursework. I wish I had really appreciated the freedom and ability to expirement that the college environment allows. And that’s not to say that I focused solely on the academics – I was in a sorority, I took part in a variety of other extracurricular activities, I went out six nights a week… But I feel like I never really let loose, let myself lose control, let myself go.

And now that I’m out of that phase and very “in my twenties”, I wonder if in another few years, I’ll look back at this time in my life and wonder why I wasn’t more irresponsible. Should I be out partying during the week? What’s it like to meet a man in a bar and take him home? As much as college was a time of very few responsibilities, twenty somethings have some responsiblities – but really only for oneself – with the added bonus of overall financial freedom.

Are these the best years of my life? And, if so, shouldn’t I be out living the Sex and the City life and sowing my outs before it’s time to really settle down?

But, I guess in the end, it all comes down to the fact that doing that wouldn’t be true to who I am. And, thinking about this now, there’s a difference between not being crazy and being boring. So the future me will just have to remember (and I now have to remember when I think back to college) that “letting loose” would not have provided me the fullfillment I seek.

You might also enjoy these related posts:

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2. 2006 in Review
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